Sara's journal

To be or what to be - that is the question

So, today I just concluded a week of travelling around in Sweden and Norway.

I visited several schools, met friends and relatives and spent many many hours in trains (distances are quite long up here for European standards). Conclusion: It was great. A big thank you to everyone who hosted me and helped me along the way.

One thing that strikes me everytime I come to Sweden is how Swedish and not Swedish I feel / am / am perceived as.

Meaning:
- I have this very strong feeling of belonging and at the same time things seem strange to me
- I have common values and a similair mindset and at the same time I just cannot understand certain things
- I look like them and I fit properly into the clothes I try out in the magazines (sooooo nice), but at the same time I dress differently and have a different style

I guess that is the beauty of growing up between two different cultures. You dont really belong to any of the two, but still you do somehow.

I notice this the most, when I speak to a Swedish person somewhere. I look Swedish and I speak Swedish, but still they cannot place me anywhere, because I dont have a clearly defined accent. In addition to that, I might use "outdated" expressions from my parents or just simply use a "swedish-ized" german word that simply doesnt exist. Then they look at me with a confused expression, as if I were an alien in a Swedish body. They notice that something is different, but cannot really tell what it is.

Sometimes it feels a bit frustrating not to be 100% Swedish or Swiss. Always missing a certain expression or a detail about the culture. Then again you might ask yourself, what being Swedish or Swiss really means.

In the end, it doesnt really matter, I know. But as searching for your own identity somehow seems to be an integral part of most human beings lifes, I guess it is only natural that these thoughts trouble my mind from time to time.

Tomorrow Im heading back towards Switzerland. Another long train ride is awaiting me...

posted by Sara @ 23:16